Ask Miriam: Not Your Abuela’s Advice Column


A sassy advice column for readers who love to laugh.

Dear Miriam,

I work in a small company (ten employees) assisting the account manager. My boss is an idiot. I have to re-do all his work, he always forgets what’s on his agenda for the week and ignores important contacts. I am in good standing at work currently, but I might go crazy and tell my boss what I think of him any day now. I might get a raise next year, but it’s not my dream job. I would say my long-range prospects there are mediocre. Ugh, I don’t know. Should I try to stick it out?

Let me ask you, is your boss attractive? If so, why aren’t you sleeping with Him? Yes, he may be dumb, but have you contemplated the possibility of having an affair with your employer? His folly could work to your benefit. This could take care of two important issues: job security, and having to do any real work at all. Any job that requires any kind of actual labor perhaps isn’t worth keeping. But looking ahead, the only true security at the workplace is sextape where all the participants are identifiable. Make sure that when you do sleep with your boss,. You have taken the proper precautions to guarantee that his face clearly visible and that you are seen from your best side. And make sure to fast! Should the tape get out and go viral you want to look your very best.

Dear Miriam,

I hate football. My husband loves it, which was no problem when we met, because he used to watch all the games at his friend Joe’s place. Also, he used to just watch Dolphins games, and now he wants to follow ALL NFL games. Joe, meanwhile, got married, and his new wife is making him go watch the games at a sports bar. My husband has a drinking problem, so I can’t do the same. I don’t want my husband to be miserable, but I really can’t stand the game, and I do Pilates on Sundays in our living room (where the TV is). What can I do to support my football fanatic without making either of us crazy?

Football? Really? And you’re still with him? Let him go to the Sports Bar, let him go wherever. How attractive is this Joe? Is he happily married? I see that you didn’t mention his wife and her having to put up with your husband, hmmm? With that body you’ve cultivated from Pilates, if I were you, I’d go out and find me a new man who doesn’t like football, preferably younger, so you can boss him around. That way you won’t have to put up with anyone’s bullshit.

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