The Weight of the American Dream on First Gen Latinas

My whole life, I’ve heard, “queremos que tengas una vida mejor que nosotros.” The message from my parents was clear, they wanted more for me than they had. They wanted me to have access to opportunities they didn’t and to achieve the so-called “American Dream.” My parents, trailblazers in their own right, carved out a new path for our family by moving to this country and facing countless unknowns while trying to create a sense of stability for nuestra familia. As the firstborn and first-gen to grow up in the U.S., I was tasked with straddling two cultures, honoring my familia’s values and navigating American culture, all while pursuing the “American Dream,” a concept whose definition changed throughout my life. Initially, it meant sacrificing time to create stability, which often translated into pursuing a high-paying, prestigious job like becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, whether or not you were passionate about these careers.

These expectations became a pressure to uphold our parents’ dream of stability while also adhering to cultural values, including familismo, the deep-rooted commitment to family and prioritizing its needs above all. However, for first-gens, the American Dream may include stability, but it is also shaped by the need for freedom: freedom to express ourselves, to take risks, to find fulfillment in something we love, to break out of cycles of unhealthy behaviors, and to heal from generational trauma. But what happens when your dream doesn’t align with your parents’ version of the American Dream? My journey to becoming a psychologist was long and filled with sacrifices. After 13 years of hard work, I finally achieved my goal and started what I thought was my dream job, only to realize it wasn’t the dream I had envisioned. It was tough to consider a transition when I had just begun the career I had imagined for so long. But I wanted more.

Reminding myself that I could always return to that job or a similar one, I embarked on the path of entrepreneurship. I took yet another leap of faith—a move that’s all too common for first-gens. Yet, as daunting as it was for me, it was even scarier for my parents. They worried about the instability of an entrepreneurial life and the risks involved, questioning my decisions repeatedly. Pursuing a stable, traditional career made sense to them, anything outside of that didn’t.

Why would our parents work so hard for us, only for us to choose careers that didn’t fit the mold? Over time, as they saw my business grow and witnessed the impact I was making in our comunidad, their concerns began to shift. They still have moments of worry, however, they’ve come to understand that my decision wasn’t about rejecting their values but about finding my own way to honor them. Today, they are proud of the path I’ve chosen and recognize the strength it took to follow my own version of the American Dream. It’s not that we don’t want to honor our parents’ sacrifices, in fact, my dream was about honoring them by taking risks in the way they taught me, just as they took the biggest risk of moving to another country. However, my risk was different; I was risking stability for freedom.

My search for a better life has been a mi manera because the dream looks different for everyone. The American Dream is about taking risks to achieve the dream of a better life. Our parents risked everything in search of their version of a better life, and we have the opportunity to risk it all for ours. To fully embrace our version of the American Dream, we must first accept that it may not look like the traditional path our parents envisioned. This acceptance allows us to reconcile the tension between their expectations and our aspirations. It’s about finding the balance between honoring their sacrifices and forging our own path, a path that reflects who we are and what we value.

To best manage the weight of the expectations of the American Dream, consider this: What is your dream for a better life? How can you honor your dream while respecting the sacrifices made by your parents and ancestors? Here are some consejos to help you navigate this journey:

1. Define Your Own Dream:
Take time to reflect on what a fulfilling life looks like for you. Write down your vision of success, happiness, and fulfillment.

2. Journal Prompts:
What does a better life mean to me, and how has it influenced my choices?
What are the cultural and familial values that are important to me, and how do they align or conflict with my personal goals?
How can I create a balance between honoring my family’s sacrifices and pursuing my own path?

3. Open Conversations with Family:
Engage in honest discussions with your parents and family members about your dreams and aspirations. Share your perspective and listen to theirs. This can help bridge the gap between their expectations and your goals.

4. Set Boundaries:
Understand that it’s okay to set boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Pursuing your dreams doesn’t mean you are rejecting your family’s values—it means you are creating a life that honors both your heritage and your individuality.

5. Seek Support:
Whether through therapy, support groups, or connecting with other first-gens, find spaces where you can discuss and process these pressures. You’re not alone in this journey.

As you move forward, remember that your version of “a better life” is valid. It’s about finding what brings you joy, fulfillment, and peace, and having the courage to pursue it while respecting where you come from. Sí se puede!

Dr. Lisette Sanchez is a bilingual licensed psychologist and founder of Calathea Wellness, a virtual practice providing individual therapy in California. She has a passion for working with BIPOC folxs and first-generation professionals.