420: 9 Hilariously Embarrassing Moments Brought to You by Mary Jane

For those of us who are recreational and medical marijuana users, there is definitely a learning curve when it comes to figuring out your limits. There are a few good rules of thumb like smoking before you drink alcohol, taking it easy on the bong, being very careful with the wax, and only eating a little piece of an edible until you see how it hits. I can safely say 99.9% of us have had a time when we’ve gotten too damn high, which led us to some kind of an embarrassing debacle. For sure, if this has happened to you, you’re not alone. We put a call out for people to share some of their most mortifying moments brought to you courtesy of mary jane in honor of the high holiday 4/20.

Here are nine of the funniest most embarrassing stories we received. Note to self: Consume edibles slowly. wp_*posts

Victoria/ 31 / Bay Area, CA

So I grew up a first-generation Salvadoreña, and I carried that generational pressure heavily as a child. I was always focused on doing right by my parents. I was a straight A student, I never drank or even partied in high school, I was just afraid to do most things — until I realized I was “pretty” and that boys liked the boobs I had been trying to smash down under Roxy T-Shirts from PacSun for years for some dumb reason. Fast forward to college, I had probably smoked a total of one joint or two with my homegirls my whole life but suddenly I’m out here thinking 420 is life. Some cute kid invites me to his mom’s house to have a sesh. I’m like “Okurrrrr.” Well, this little loser made a bong out of a Gatorade bottle and in my head, I’m like, “Wow I’m really a drug addict over some D right now?” Still, I’m overly confident about hitting this bottle bong. Porque? I truly don’t know! I inhale and suck up water that was probably five hundred years old and spit it out all over his floor as I cough uncontrollably. I’m mortified so I go to the bathroom where I experience my first real moment of truly horrible cotton mouth. I remember inspecting my tongue in the mirror and genuinely not knowing what was going on. I didn’t like the feeling at all. When I returned to his bedroom and he tried kissing me, it felt so weird that I bailed. I was only able to drive around the corner before sending an SOS to my girl who picked me up and took me to eat Thrifty’s ice cream.

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Esmeralda / 27 / Pomona, California

My last year of college I was just starting to hang with a new group of friends so I wanted to make a good impression. I went over to my friend Mercedes’ house to get ready for a party across the street. She brought out her bong to pre-party. It was called “The One Hitter Quitter” but I thought since I was a regular smoker that it wouldn’t be a big deal. WRONG! I hit it really hard and I coughed for like 10 minutes! We started to walk over to the party and right as we opened the gate it hit me and it was like I forgot what words were and how to speak. I was freaking out in my head thinking “Oh my god, will I never be able to speak again? How will I get a job? Will I ever find love? Is this a medical condition?” All while my friend was introducing me to people. The only thing I could say was my name so I was just shaking hands and saying my name over and over. People were asking me questions and all I could do was nod. I really thought I had ruined my whole life and I was thinking about how I would explain it to my parents. Eventually, my friend saw I was not having a good time and took me back to her home, gave me a Turkey sandwich, and put me to bed. I met all of the same people I had already been introduced to again the next day and I had to pretend I remembered them. I was so embarrassed.

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Natalie/ 36 / New Mexico

So I smoke regularly (like every day) and I have for a while. It’s rare that I get too high to function, and even more rare when paranoia sets in. Last summer I went to Portland for a wedding and had some time to kill before flying home, so I bought a joint and walked around by the river smoking. I took three big hits and all of a sudden, I was so high my ears started ringing and I got tunnel vision. I’m in a city I don’t know, by myself, with maybe an hour left before I need to get to the airport that is 45 minutes away by train. So I put the joint back in its tube, leave it on a bench for someone to finish, turn around and slowly retrace my steps back to the shop where I know the train stops. Then I text my friend, “FREAKING OUT!” because the train isn’t coming and it’s been way too long and I thought I was gonna miss my flight. She laughs and tells me I’ve been waiting for a grand total of maybe five minutes. I’m sweating and just so on edge. Finally, the train comes (after 10 whole minutes that felt like 10 hours) and it’s PACKED because it’s rush hour. Still, I found an open seat and try to move slowly for it but the train lurches forward and I literally fall into this guy’s lap with my hands right on his crotch. I stammer apologies and spill into the empty seat, which is right next to him of course. I spend the next 40 minutes texting my friend and staring at the sign that says “Airport” to prevent my paranoia from convincing me I’m on the wrong train! By the time I get to the airport I’ve sobered up enough to function and make my flight. What a nightmare! 

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Stef/ 18/ Dover, Delaware

One of the first times I smoked, I was super tired, and there were two blunts going around. I just went fully out of it. I felt like I wasn’t even in my body anymore and everything was SO FUNNY. I got in the car, closed my eyes and thought my friend had backed out, but I opened my eyes and we were still parked! And then on the way back to my friends house, I kept trying to eat rice with my fingers and everyone in that car was someone different! Every time I looked at them, they’d look like someone else, like I’d know that wasn’t who they were but I was so gone I couldn’t get my mind to focus on what they actually looked like. Later we got back to the house and I ate a chocolate doughnut and passed out with a plate in my hand.

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Denise/ 37/ Riverside, CA

When I was a young warthog, I got really faded at a backyard party. It was dark, the DJ had the music on full tilt and people were sipping jungle juice from a Costco ice chest. In the corner of the yard were what I honestly swore were black goats. Like, I could hear them making goat noises and it really made me freak out. Like why would they own black goats?! I thought it was some type of evil spirit that my Nana always warned me about. I made my friends leave the party because I got spooked. The next day it turns out the “evil black goats” were really two black Labs, just chilling in their pen.

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Liz/ 24 / Phoenix, Arizona

Oh man, the first and only time I hit a gravity bong I was at my buddy’s house. We grew up together but we had not seen each other in YEARS so we were catching up, I saw his friend doing something with a bucket and the top part of a 2 liter bottle and I was like “WTF is that?” He told me I was a gravity bong and that I should try it. I stupidly agreed without really knowing how hard it would hit. It felt like my lungs were on fire, I wasn’t used to smoking so I choked and coughed so hard they had to give me water. Then I sat there, and suddenly everything was rainbows and pulsing geometric shapes. The world suddenly became a damn kaleidoscope! I was like “Is this real life?” I thought I must have done it wrong because weed had never made me feel like that. I was so into my thoughts that I didn’t realize I was talking to someone, who knows what I was saying! I was trying to play it cool but I must have looked insane because my friend was like “Maybe you should lay down?” I did then I secretly snuck out and walked all the way home because I was too embarrassed to ask for a ride. The next day I woke up to a thousand texts from everyone wondering where I went.

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Tona/ 24/ California

One time (a year ago) I ate too much of an edible one night and convinced my mom I was having a heart attack. She called 911 and 8 firefighters show up in my living room and hook me up to a bunch of machines. When I told them I had eaten the edible they unhooked me and all LAUGHED at me. To be fair my heart was beating 250 times a minute. They said I shouldn’t ever call 911 again for a weed emergency.

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Arely/ 26 / Silver Spring, MD

This one time I was chilling with my best friend and we split this brownie. This was the second time I had done one and his first time doing one. We didn’t feel anything until we were about to head out. Then out of nowhere, we were so smacked. He lived in the woods and I started feeling a bad high coming. I called a bunch of friends and was like “Yo, I gotta get out these woods” so each of them called a taxi for us. Eventually, his sister comes out and asks us what is going on because he was mad spacing on the porch and I was laying on the ground contemplating life. To make matters worse she had to turn away all five taxis. Needless to say, I was really embarrassed the next morning. That was also my first time meeting his sister.

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Jade/ 24 /Denver, Colorado

On my best friend’s birthday (we’ve been friends since we were 5, so she’s more like family) we celebrated with her family earlier in the day, and at night we were planning on throwing a rager with our friends. While we were at her family function her cousin offered me a pot brownie he made. He’s known for being a big pothead but I thought I knew what I was myself getting into. I. Was. Wrong. That brownie had me dizzy to the point that in the middle of her family lunch I had to take a nap IN HER PARENT’S BEDROOM. I woke up HOURS later still higher than a kite right in the middle of our party. Oops!