How Domestic Violence Can Affect Latina Relationships

As Latinas, we often juggle various cultural expectations, from challenging traditional gender roles to learning how to implement boundaries. Among these challenges is the tendency to silence our voices to maintain the family’s reputation, avoiding any outward sign of struggle or hardship. Growing up, many Latinas witness domestic violence but are taught to keep family matters private, further complicating their ability to process trauma. In my work, I frequently encounter survivors of domestic violence who have spent their lives in silence after witnessing abuse in their homes. Domestic violence leaves a lasting impact, particularly on Latinas, who face additional pressures not to speak about what happens within the family. While domestic violence affects all communities, Latinas often experience unique barriers to seeking help because of cultural values that prioritize family loyalty and discourage public discussions of private issues.  

Latinas often face unique cultural pressures that complicate their ability to process and heal from the trauma of witnessing domestic violence. Within many Latinx cultures, there is an emphasis on preserving family unity, maintaining a strong public image, and upholding traditional gender roles. Women are often expected to be nurturing, self-sacrificing, and resilient in the face of adversity. This “familismo” value—prioritizing family loyalty and sticking together—can make it difficult for Latinas to seek help or even acknowledge their trauma. The fear of bringing shame to the family can prevent open discussions about mental health or abuse.

As a result, the trauma of witnessing domestic violence in childhood creates emotional scars that persist into adulthood, complicating both romantic and platonic relationships. Growing up in a violent household where a parent, particularly a mother, endured physical or emotional abuse can leave Latinas with difficulty trusting others, regulating emotions, or setting boundaries. This then can create a sense of helplessness, fear, and confusion that can manifest into relational trauma, where the emotional damage caused by abuse or neglect in childhood affects how they interact with others as adults. Culturally, Latinas are expected to prioritize family, which can make it even more difficult to acknowledge or seek help for their trauma.

Relational trauma refers to the emotional harm that is experienced in relationships often triggered by ongoing exposure to abuse or neglect. When domestic violence is present, Latinas may struggle to form healthy relationships because this has not been modeled within their upbringing. As a result, it can be difficult to have trust within a relationship when you grew up in an environment where trust was repeatedly broken. It can be difficult to learn to trust in adult relationships when there is a fear of continued violence, betrayal or abandonment.

When these things are occurring within our environment, it can feel easy to be emotionally unavailable and withdraw as a way to protect ourselves. Being emotionally unavailable can hurt relationships because it makes it difficult to engage fully in relationships, leaving those around you feeling disconnected or neglected. When we are emotionally unavailable, we naturally also avoid conflict as it can trigger past lived experiences from childhood. This can lead to us to not address important issues and avoid difficult conversations while simultaneously hinder open communication and emotional intimacy. 

Unfortunately, without proper healing, some Latinas may find themselves in abusive relationships as adults, either as victims or, at times, as abusers. The patterns learned in childhood can unknowingly be repeated, leading to continued cycles of trauma across generations. 

If this feels true for you or a loved one, here are some things that can help you as you make sense of your past experiences and determine how you want to show up in relationships: 

• Building Trust: acknowledge your past experiences and notice any triggering reactions, especially when feeling defensive or distrustful in relationships. This can help yourself and your reactions in different situations.
• Emotionally Unavailable: It can feel easy to emotionally withdraw when feeling closeness in relationships however it is important to notice the discomfort. Do you want to connect but don’t know how? Be patient with yourself as you navigate a different way of showing up in relationships.
• Avoiding Conflict: When we avoid conflict, we can then give a message that we are okay with behaviors that we are actually not okay with. Finding your voice will be important. Start with something small with a trusted person as a way to voice your feelings and opinions. It really makes a difference when you are getting your needs met. 
• Emotional Regulation: regulating your emotions can take time since it will be essential to understand the full range of emotions. Keep a journal around and write about the intense situations that occur in real time. Work with a mental health professional to help you process these emotions. Remember, if no one taught you how to self-regulate, how do you expect to know what to do? We all need someone…
• Setting Boundaries: Boundaries are a way to let other people know what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Boundaries are for YOU. While it can be challenging to implement boundaries, take baby steps. Start with a time limit on your phone for when you’ll stop answering the phone. Continue to build on this!  

For Latinas who grew up in homes where domestic violence was present, the impact is profound. It can lead to a cycle of emotional unavailability, conflict avoidance, and mistrust in relationships, as they struggle to break free from patterns learned in childhood. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healing and building healthy relationships. Whether through acknowledging triggers, working on emotional regulation, or setting boundaries, taking small steps can help Latinas begin to process their trauma and live the life they deserve. 

If this resonates with you or someone you know, reach out for support. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be contacted by texting START to 88788 or visiting thehotline.org for help.