It’s tempting and comforting to go back to what’s familiar. After all, it usually fills you with a sense of security, happiness, and hits some serious nostalgic points. So, when following that logic, getting back together with an ex might seem like a smart thing to do — it’s like listening to a song you’ve heard a thousand times, but somehow still manages to bring a smile to your face. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. Don’t take them back and here’s why!
It’s an Unhealthy Cycle
Going back to an ex might feel like it’s a good idea at first because it’s someone you already know. You know the ins and outs of the relationship, and what makes that person tick. The issue is, however, the relationship ended and for a reason. Going back to an ex might inspire or continue an unhealthy pattern of getting together, breaking up, and repeat. Emotionally, you’re going through the ringer again and again without any progression forward.
You’re Not the Same Person You Were in That Relationship
Chances are, you’ve grown up a lot since that breakup. You’ve had new experiences, and so has your ex. Just because you’ve shared a previous connection with someone, doesn’t mean the same connection is still there. When people change, dynamics change, and that’s a lesson that we easily forget or refuse to accept. The chemistry might still be there — and there’s a possibility that it’ll always be there, but good chemistry isn’t enough to satiate or build an entire relationship. If it were, you both would still be together, and that’s the tea.
It’s Not Moving Forward, it’s Taking a Step Back
If you want to move forward, you leave the past behind you and keep your eyes ahead. You don’t revisit old wounds or stir up previous trauma. It’s painful and harmful! In order to move forward with your romantic relationships, you need to be able to start fresh. An ex allows everything BUT that. Even if you’ve forgiven this person or ended on good terms, there’s no such thing as a fresh start with someone who has already put you through a negative experience. When you’ve graduated from one level to the next — do you go back and repeat it? No. So, try and take that same approach with your relationships. There’s something better out there, and it takes time and patience to reach the next step.
The Reasons You Broke up Are Still There (Whether You Notice Them or Not)
Assuming you’re able to forgive — both of you have proven that you trust each other again, and believe that you can move on together, on the same path. The issue here is, that even when people change and grow, fundamental attributes stay the same. If you hated when your partner would sing at the top of their lungs, or couldn’t stand the way their schedule worked — those things aren’t going to change. Preferences, mannerisms, and more are unwavering, and there are some that you can’t look past. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you! Everyone has their hang-ups — just know that hang-ups don’t go away because you both decided to start fresh (which, again, it’s not fresh. It’s old. Leave it behind).