Digame: Second Gen Latina Therapist Vanessa Pezo Talks Breaking Trauma Cycles

Vanessa Pezo is a licensed clinical social worker, a trauma therapist, speaker, and author in private practice. She’s a second-generation therapist specializing in helping diverse survivors of trauma find healing and recovery. Vanessa holds a master’s degree in social work from Cal State Long Beach, and a bachelor’s degree in International Studies—Sociology from UC San Diego. She works from an anti-oppressive lens, and believes that naming systems that perpetuate harm is essential to trauma healing. Her first book The Latinx Guide to Liberation: Healing from Historical, Generational, and Individual Trauma will be published in February 2025.

Which Latina(s) have had the greatest impact on your life and why?

The women in my family have shaped me to be the person I am today. They taught me everything I know about what it is to be a woman. I am lucky to have been raised by not only my mother and grandmothers, but also by my Tias. My mom has five sisters. When I was a kid we lived next door to my grandparents, and many of my Tias still lived at home, so I spent a lot of time with them. They all took care of me like I was their own daughter. My mom worked the graveyard shift and my Dad worked odd hours so everyone took part in raising me doing things like getting me ready for school, reading to me, or taking me with them wherever they went. I learned so much about sacrifice, belonging, and how to show love in your actions from my mom, my grandmothers, and my Tias.

If you could meet a Latina icon who is no longer alive, who would it be and why?

Gloria Anzaldua. Her book Borderlands/La Frontera is one of the most impactful things I have ever read. She writes on what it is to be a Chicana, a woman, a feminist, Queer, and an activist in such a way that reading her book for the first time to me felt like a spiritual experience. I would love to know more about her life, her experiences, and her writing process. I also feel a special connection to the work Borderlands/La Frontera because it was published the year I was born, and she and I share the same birthday- September 26th. I like to tell myself this is not a coincidence.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

Something that I have focused on in recent years is “Don’t cheat yourself.” I grew up playing soccer, and I had a coach who would yell that to us when he noticed we were trying to cut corners when we did sprints or running drills. I had forgotten about it, but when I went into private practice in 2020 I had a lot of fears. I was doing many things for the first time, hard things, and I noticed a desire to avoid them. Posting on social media, building business plans, or marketing myself as a therapist was scary. I began to tell myself “Don’t cheat yourself.” It is better to try to do hard things and to mess up or even fail. At least you have the learning experience. If you don’t try you cheat yourself from ever knowing what you’re truly capable of. I would rather be seen trying and failing than to stay invisible in my comfort zone, because that is how I have grown and also how many opportunities have come my way.

Who was the first person to believe in your dreams/goals?

When I was growing up my Grandpa Pezo would always pull me aside and tell me that he wanted me to grow up to be a “professional”. Everyone in my family was very pro-education, and encouraging, but I have very distinct memories of my Grandpa saying that to me. I think he definitely planted that seed so that I would view myself in a certain way. I didn’t exactly know what a “professional” was, and honestly maybe he didn’t either but it became a vision I had for myself and where I was headed.

How do you stay connected to your cultural roots?

First by staying connected to my family, and continuing to spend time with them. Another way is through my relationship with my husband. We were both East LA kids, but my family eventually moved to Chino, CA which was very different culturally. My husband’s family moved to Pico Rivera so he was more immersed in Latinx culture throughout his life than I was. He is also first-gen, and I am second. He is fluent in Spanish, and I am not. My husband and I relate a lot about our cultural experiences, but he is also an amazing resource to me. If I don’t know how to say something in Spanish he helps me. He explains certain things to me that I wouldn’t get on my own like a joke in Spanish or even a meme. It is so amazing to have someone who I can go to who is totally non-judgmental. I think a lot of Latinas who grow up in the U.S. are shamed, because we can be disconnected from our culture in different ways. It makes such a big difference when you feel accepted, and not judged for what you don’t know. We have a lot of fun watching Chicano movies, going to Cumbia nights, and traveling to different places in Mexico together. I think my relationship to my husband has made me feel an even stronger connection to my culture and identity.

What do you wish more people understood about what you do?

I wish more people knew that therapists aren’t there to tell you what to do or give you advice. We have enough people in our lives who want to do that already. The therapeutic relationship is about having a place where you feel seen, heard, understood, validated, and celebrated. It is about having a space that is just for you where you can talk openly without being judged, and can make sense of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. You can practice new skills, and learn tools for communication or emotional regulation that you may not have known already. Therapists don’t have all the answers, and even if they did it isn’t about what I as the therapist want for you. It is about giving you the space to find that for yourself.

What motivates you?

My motivation has always been to be a good example for my siblings. I am the oldest of four so for a very long time I have seen that as a part of my purpose. When we were younger that responsibility meant things like academic accomplishments and finishing college. As I have gotten older I have wanted to model to them more so what it looks like to have a balanced life, to of course be responsible but to also have fun and have new experiences.

How did you end up on the professional path you’re on now?

A big part of my being a therapist actually comes from a dislike of capitalism, and our society’s work culture. I have always loved to learn, but I did not grow up with a “dream job.” Even as a young kid, I never liked the idea of a 40 hour work week, and spending the majority of my life working. After college, still being uncertain of what to do with my life I had to ask myself “If I must work full-time to survive, what would make all that time feel worth it to me or at least be meaningful?” I decided that I wanted to do something where I could be of service to others, so I went to graduate school for social work. I am not a natural therapist. I was not a very emotionally attuned person, and I don’t think I am even naturally a good listener. I had to really work hard to develop these skills, because I wanted to be able to do work that I felt mattered beyond making some corporation a profit.

What is your greatest professional achievement so far? Personal achievement?

Absolutely my book The Latinx Guide to Liberation: Healing From Historical, Generational, and Individual Trauma is my greatest professional achievement so far. I spent about 15 months writing the book, and then several more editing and doing all of the other things required to publish a book. I have always dreamed of writing a book, but I did not know how to pursue that dream, or that I was ready to. When the opportunity arose however I took it. I had to remind myself that the universe wouldn’t have given me this chance if I wasn’t ready for it. It was an intense time, but I learned so much. It was a true labor of love.

My greatest personal achievement is my relationship with my husband. We have been together for 18 years and married for 8. We have lived so much life together. He has been my support system through college, grad school, and all of my professional endeavors. We’ve also traveled all over the country and world together, and had so many amazing experiences. Our relationship is based on a lot of love, a lot of fun, and a deep mutual respect. I think our relationship has been like a fertile soil that allowed us both to grow and blossom. Everything else could go away, and I know we would be okay, and figure it out.

What is a goal you have that you haven’t accomplished yet and what are you doing to get closer to accomplishing it?

Seeing my book through to the finish line. The Latinx Guide to Liberation: Healing From Historical, Generational, and Individual Trauma comes out February 21, 2025. I will record the audiobook in January which is another new experience, and the final piece to the puzzle. When I started this process in 2022 I could hardly imagine being where I am with it now. It was so daunting in the beginning. My goal is to really enjoy this entire experience, and let myself be fully present and revel in it. If even one person reads this book that will be amazing to me. It is almost here but it doesn’t feel fully real yet. Maybe once I hold the book in my hands.

What pop culture moment made you feel seen?

In the late 1990s there was a “Latin Explosion” where all of a sudden Latinx artists like Ricky Martin, Shakira, and Jennifer Lopez all became popular. This was such a new experience for me, because at the time I was in school in Chino with a lot of white kids. Anything to do with my culture felt very separate from my school life. My friends at school didn’t watch telenovelas or have grandparents that only spoke Spanish. To see these artists come into the mainstream showed me that Latinx culture didn’t have to be separate or seen as less-than. I hadn’t seen this type of representation before, aside from when the movie Selena came out, and it made me feel so hopeful. I remember the songs coming on the radio and my Dad telling me to get ready, because we Latinos were going to finally get our recognition.

How do you practice self care?

I stay connected to my values, and I let those be my guide in how I care for myself and treat myself. I know I value rest, time with my loved ones, and fun. Knowing this about myself helps me to set boundaries and gives me relief from the pressure of always feeling like I have to do more, work more, or earn more. It makes it easier for me to say no to things so I can read, take my dog on long walks, spend time with loved ones, or be out in nature. I love to camp and take roadtrips. I love doing anything I’ve never done before. As long as my basic needs are met I give myself permission to live my life.

Quick Fire:

Shoutout an Instagram account that could use more love and tell us why you’re a fan:

@lilianabaylon She is another Latina therapist, speaker, and author who is doing amazing work for our community and has a great podcast called A Hero’s Welcome.

Shoutout your favorite Latina owned business and why:

I love Adelita’s Revenge located here in Long Beach, CA. It is a Chicana-owned shop supporting Queer, Latiné, and Indigenous artists. Not only do they have amazing items and handicrafts, they also provide a lot of support to the community. They host Spanish classes, art events, book clubs, and healing circles. They are truly a gift to the community. Check them out on IG @adelitas_revenge.