Latinas Breaking Holiday Traditions and Creating Our Own

As the holiday season approaches, you might feel stress and anxiety creeping in, especially as you consider how you want to spend your time and who you want to spend it with. Have you been reflecting on all the incredible progress you’ve made throughout this year, only to feel stuck when it comes to creating your own traditions and setting the boundaries that come with them? I’m here to tell you that I get it.  Traditions are deeply rooted in Latinx culture as they serve as a celebration of our unique identity (think tamales, pozole, posadas, etc.) along with a way to create connection with one another as a family. Oftentimes, the holidays serve as a time to tell stories (happy ones or embarrassing ones), we cook together, and we catch up with each other (even when we are feeling extremely uncomfortable).

We put ourselves in awkward positions because we believe we have to and not necessarily because we want to.Yet as meaningful as these traditions feel, some traditions may no longer align with who we are as people or the life that we want to build for ourselves. As Latinas, navigating the need for autonomy and change paired with potential tension that can arise by using our voice can be challenging, especially when you might experience immediate pushback, guilt and shame. 

Back in 2016, I made a bold decision to bet on myself and move to New York City in early December from Los Angeles. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about Christmas being around the corner or how expensive flights from New York to LA would be during the holidays.  I simply knew the timing felt right, so I went for it. 

As Christmas approached, I started contemplating how I wanted to spend the holiday.  Naturally I felt obligated to go home – but deep down, I didn’t want to. I wanted to do something different. For the first time ever, I focused on what I truly wanted, and the answer became crystal clear: I wanted to travel. 

I began brainstorming destinations and decided on Cuba. This was during the brief window when travel from the U.S. to Cuba was allowed, and I couldn’t resist the opportunity. I booked the flight, reserved the Airbnb, and made plans to spend Christmas in Havana. 

When I broke the news with my family, they were deeply disappointed. They shared what I would be missing, shared their frustration, and laid on the guilt. I felt terrible. Even while I was in Cuba, the guilt trip continued through a brief Facetime call on Christmas Eve.  It put a damper on my mood and for a moment, I regretted my decision. I was upset and conflicted, questioning whether I’d made the right choice. 

Looking back now, I don’t regret spending Christmas in Cuba. What I do regret is letting guilt create an impact on my experience.  It took years of unlearning the sense of obligation I felt toward family traditions and relearning that it’s okay to prioritize myself and make my own choices. Creating new traditions isn’t about rejecting the old ones, instead, it’s about honoring what makes sense for you. 

That experience taught me a valuable lesson: it’s okay to do what feels right for you, even if it’s not what others expect. Traditions are meaningful, but so is your well-being. Sometimes, choosing yourself is the best gift you can give – to yourself, and ultimately to those that you love. 

Traditions hold a special place in our lives because they ground us and create a sense of connection. They give us a feeling of belonging and link us to generations that came before us. For many Latinas, family traditions are a way to honor our loved ones, celebrate our culture, and embrace our identity. However, it’s important to acknowledge that traditions also carry expectations and obligations that may feel burdensome or even harmful, especially when we find ourselves participating in things that don’t truly align with what we want. I invite you to reflect on the traditions you genuinely enjoy and those you might feel ready to let go of. Then, consider how it would feel to start creating your own traditions – ones that reflect your values, resonate with your heart, and become part of the legacy you want to pass down within your family. 

You might find yourself reflecting on what truly brings you joy and what you’d prefer to opt out of – and that’s completely normal. But how will your family react? They’ll respond in whatever way feels natural to them, and that’s okay. This is where the importance of setting boundaries and having honest, sometimes difficult, conversations comes into play. 

Creating new traditions often means setting boundaries which can be daunting and I want you to keep in mind that setting boundaries does not mean that you are rejecting your family, quite the opposite. It means that you are making space for what is meaningful and feels right for you. It’s a way of saying that family traditions are important but you as a person are important as well. As an example, you might decide that you want the upcoming holidays to look a little different than in previous years. You might decide that you want to spend  Thanksgiving with your chosen family and create a non-traditional meal. You might decide that you want to spend Nochebuena in the comfort of your own home and Christmas day with family (depending on your living arrangements). While this can initially feel stressful, remember that it’s actually a powerful act of self-care and self-preservation. 

If you find yourself experiencing pushback, it’s important to think about your “why” to help navigate these situations. 

1. Acknowledge their feelings: it’s normal that family will feel resistant to change because things have always been done a certain way. Validate without compromising your set of boundaries. A statement like this can be helpful, “I understand this feels different and I appreciate everything you’ve done to create such meaningful traditions.” You are acknowledging feelings while recognizing the importance of traditions. 
2. Communicate your intentions clearly: it might feel comfortable to “beat around the bush” so instead, I challenge you to share your reasons behind wanting to create your own traditions with honesty. Explain why this is important to you, again, without compromising your boundaries. 
3. Stay consistent: use journaling as a way to help you reflect on what you want to be different and way. Having this clear will allow you to show your family that your decision isn’t to reject what they do and instead to evolve to something that is truly your own. 
4. Open communication = open hearts: allow space to discuss the reasons behind certain traditions and why they are so important. This can help you incorporate certain things within your new traditions, if it feels right of course. 
5. Seek support: reach out to mentors, friends or a mental health therapist to help you navigate difficult conversations. Having a Latinx therapist is especially helpful as they will be able to understand the cultural nuances that Latino families have. 

While not easy, remember that change is not a way to change the past but instead, it’s a way to evolve into something different that makes sense for you in the present moment. Your traditions can serve as a form of self expression and your own personal journey and evolution. Traditions look different for many people. For me, it took the form of travel. For others, it might be cooking different dishes, going out to eat versus cooking altogether, spending time with chosen family, or spending time alone. Whatever makes sense for you, do it with your whole heart. Allow your “why” to guide you.