A Love Letter to Latinas Struggling for Independence

For a lot of Latinas, especially first-generation Latinas, transitioning into your adulthood and embracing independence can be difficult. From our parents misunderstanding our journey to the guilt we face in becoming our own person, there are a number of factors that contribute to how we experience our struggle for independence. This love letter goes to all the Latinas who have gone through, or are currently facing the mental toll of gaining independence in the face of countless expectations and guilt. You deserve to choose yourself, even though it may be difficult to do so, remember you are deserving of having autonomy over how you want your future to look like.

Querida Chingona Independiente,

Look at how far you have come. You are sitting there reading this having reached your goals and dreams (with many brewing as we speak). You stand on your own two feet with so much freedom, more than you had ever imagined. After dedicating years and attention to yourself, you’ve come into your own and evolved beautifully. I admire your conviction in your ability to achieve whatever you set your mind to, you inspire me to follow in your footsteps. Think of how many young girls are looking at you right now, seeing where you stand and thinking, “quiero ser como ella”. Marching to the beat of your own drum like many mujeres rebeldes before you who stood up against machismo and patriarchal pressures just by existing freely. You deserve your flowers and acknowledgement of the hardships it took to get here. Like you, other Latinas have also grappled with the toll of becoming independent especially when it comes to their families.

As daughters, we feel the pressure to take on the responsibility of caring for our family. We become an integral part of the household from an early age. From translating documents for our parents to looking after our siblings, we take on a lot of household responsibilities, making it difficult to imagine what it will be like once we move on with our own lives. As we grow older and begin to think about what we want out of life, there is a certain anxiety that comes with it as we consider how it will affect our family dynamics.

Over the years, we have built routines, schedules and been given responsibilities within our household for everything to work. When we weigh our position within the family, it can feel selfish to leave them considering how we are relied upon. At times there’s also added pressure from our parents that want the family united which for them only looks like everyone living under one roof. This reminds me of one scene from the film Real Women Have Curves. In the film, Ana’s (America Ferrera) teacher visits her and her family to let them know she’s been accepted into Columbia in New York City with a full-ride scholarship. While Ana is ecstatic, her mother, Carmen (Lupe Ontiveros) makes it known to everyone that Ana’s should be with her family in Los Angeles not across the country. Not every family is like this, but the feeling is universal. Moving to a different place for a new job or going away for college can feel equivalent to abandoning your loved ones—whether the guilt comes from within ourselves or from familia. 

On top of the guilt and stress of choosing yourself, at times between generations there is a disconnect on what it means to be independent and the journey in getting there. For instance, for some first-gen Latinas, it is difficult to explain what it means to be post-graduate and especially what gap years mean. Once you’ve gone through your undergraduate career, being post-graduate is almost like your first time as an adult without training wheels. Leaving that undergrad bubble, some immediately enter graduate school to advance their career while others take a gap year to work, prepare themselves for graduate school, or figure out what their next step is going to be.

This concept can seem confusing to parents who might not understand why you are “putting off” your career or why you wouldn’t move back home immediately after graduation. There’s a number of reasons why. Graduate school is expensive and many can’t afford to attend immediately after undergrad, or might not feel prepared to take on more schooling so soon after getting their bachelor’s degree. For others, their independence is important and working to maintain that is part of what those gap years are for—diving into a job post-grad is a way to learn to provide for yourself and get more experience to further your career. There is no right or wrong way as long as you know your path, stay true to that.

For the most part, how you experience life and your evolution as an individual will be different from how your parents experienced it and what they expect from you. In the end, trust your instincts and what you believe is best for you because you know more than anyone else what you want for your future.

Con Amor,

Laysha