I’ve dated a lot these past four years, which is why I decided to take a break this fall. And I did. I have. But every once in awhile you’ll meet someone that interests you enough to make you want to bend your own rules. Or you know, take them up on that date.
I was at a bar in Williamsburg partying it up with my younger siblings and their friends but by 2 a.m. I was ready to hit the sack. My siblings weren’t quite through with the night so I found myself a nice stool at the bar corner and met this guy who turned out to be just as smart as he was handsome.
He was a cool guy and all but there was no crazy connection. No sparks – but I’m grown so I understand that sometimes that comes much later. So after some good conversation, I gave him my number and took off with my siblings.
We texted a few times here and there before I finally agreed to meet up. Problem was, I was still recovering from really bad food poisoning I caught a few days before. But since I had already cancelled plans with him that previous Saturday – when I developed the food poisoning – I felt bad canceling again.
So I agreed to meet at a diner close to both of our jobs. That way I could have chicken soup and mint tea. The date started off okay. We spoke about our jobs, our careers, and our families. His family is from Haiti and mines if from Dominican Republic, so naturally there were a lot of cultural similarities.
Everything was cool until he started to vent about his ex. Yes girl, he went there. But he didn’t even go there in a normal way. This was literally all he spoke about the remainder of the date.
Listen, it’s one thing to bring up an ex or exes to provide me with some context of how you turned out to be the person you are today. I’ve had previous dates briefly mention their exes. It’s another thing to tell me she broke up with you a year ago and that you’re still not quite over it because you don’t know why she dumped you in the first place.
This dude almost choked up when he told me he was getting ready to propose to her and that she was the love of his life. He told me how he’s been reaching out to her in hopes that they’d meet up and he’d at least get a solid explanation. He told me her dad still texts him and wants them back together. In fact, the few times I actually got to speak he interrupted me to tell me he had to respond to a text her dad had just sent him. Really though? My jaw literally dropped. Was this really happening?
I sort of felt bad for the dude. Apparently I was the first woman he had gone on a date with since his ex. I could have been a jerk and been like “I’m out.” But I empathized with him.
I told him to try to set up a meet up with his ex. Maybe there was something still there between them. Or at least he’d get the closure he needed to move on. I also told him to give himself some time to really heal up so he can confidently date again. And then an hour into the date, right after I finished my bowl of chicken soup and mint tea, I asked for the check.
He looked shocked but still insisted he walk me to the train and asked if we could get together again. I didn’t say yes, I literally just wished him a good night and took off.
Moral of the story: If you’re still hurting from an ex or a fairly recent breakup, give yourself time. At least enough time where you can sit at a date and not find yourself talking about your ex for an hour straight.