How to Know the Difference Between Your Soulmates and Your Twin Flame

Is your partner really your Soulmate? Or could they be much more than that — like your Twin Flame? First of all: All of these labels sound very romantic, don’t they? Soulmates, Twin Flames — the Yin to your Yang… And truth be told, that’s half the reason people love to think that they’ve found

Photo: Unsplash/@sharonmccutcheon

Photo: Unsplash/@sharonmccutcheon

Is your partner really your Soulmate? Or could they be much more than that — like your Twin Flame?

First of all: All of these labels sound very romantic, don’t they? Soulmates, Twin Flames — the Yin to your Yang… And truth be told, that’s half the reason people love to think that they’ve found their “soulmate.” Because the romanticized version of finding that one person meant only for you just sounds so perfect — almost too good to be true. But brace yourself for some truths, sis. The reality of these romantic notions is not quite so Disney. But, the good news is, they are much more interesting!  So let’s take a dive in and get down to the nitty-gritty!


Debunking the definitions of these terms: Soulmate and Twin Flame

Now, full disclosure, you can’t necessarily “debunk” spiritual theories. We just don’t have that kind of technology or quite possibly even the mental capacity to wrap our heads around that kind of depth. But we do the best we can. So I will break down these terms and meanings for you guys in the most candid way possible. Do with it what you will.

What people think a Soulmate is:

  • The “one”
  • Your “other half”
  • A romantic connection
  • An easy relationship
  • The person you’re supposed to marry and/or have children with

What people think a Twin Flame is:

  • No idea, never heard of it
  • Your actual perfect match
  • A romantic connection
  • Basically a clone of yourself
  • Who you want to be with instead of a soulmate because it’s “better” a.ka. soulmate 2.0


Redefining what a soul mate is


  • Can be anyone: a romantic partner, friend, stranger, co-worker, parent, sibling
  • Generally, you meet more than one soulmate in your lifetime; you can have many
  • Mixed types of relationships — some are easier than others, but none should particularly put you through a very dark or difficult time
  • Not necessarily a predestined life partner or a long-term relationship


Understand that your soulmate isn’t necessarily romantic

You may encounter many soulmates in your lifetime. This can be in the form of a friend, family member, a romantic partner, a mentor or someone you find inspiring — anyone! They can be people close to you, or even someone you’ve only had a brief encounter with. Soulmates have no timeline, in that they can come and go. They do not need to be present the full length of your life. Once they have served their purpose, their assistance is no longer necessary. Someone can make a passing comment that pings an idea in your head and therefore sets off a chain of events in your life, and you may never even see or think of that person again. On the contrary, you may have a best friend whom you feel a deep connection with that is a rock in your life. Both of these people can be considered soulmates.


Your soulmate is meant to teach you something about yourself

What our soulmates teach us is not always easy, pleasant, or comfortable. To a degree, they can push us outside of our comfort zones. But, not quite in the same way as a Twin Flame (which I will get into later.) It is more of a give-and-take type of relationship in terms of your learning experiences with one another. This is typically a more reciprocal relationship, although you both do not necessarily need to be each other’s soulmates. To clarify: one person can be another’s’ soulmate without it being visa vera, or you can both be each other’s soulmates. It is typically more common to have that even give and take.


Your soulmate can be someone you’ve met in a past life

If you believe in the idea of reincarnation, many of these people are ones you have spent other lifetimes with. In these other lives, your soulmates will have taken on different roles (ex: your mom in this life may have been your sister or even your apprentice, in another). You encounter different ones in each existence. But they are the people who help us learn individual lessons and encourage us to evolve past them. You will not always recognize your soulmates. They can be people you don’t even like or get along with, but in the end, they are our greatest teachers and supporters.


Redefining what a twin flame is

Twin Flame:

  • Usually a romantic partner; the converse of your energy (masculine or feminine)
  • Only have one TF overall
  • Very intense and difficult; karmic; runner/ chaser dynamic; relationship phases
  • Not guaranteed to encounter every lifetime
  • Your soul’s mirror


Your twin flame will become a continuous learning curve

Your Twin Flame relationship is a never-ending one. It is a continuous learning curve. Whenever you begin to digest a lesson from a twin flame and believe that you’ve graduated to the next level, in actuality, it opens your eyes to a whole new aspect where it seems as if you now must start at the beginning again. In simpler terms, it is as if you are completing a puzzle. Each piece is a small completion in itself, but you are still building up to the bigger picture. Within the twin flame relationship resides many endings inspired by one another. These endings are more about chapters of your life, rather than about changing the small intricacies of it. This only adds to its complexity and arduousness.


The attraction with twin flames is intense

The twin flame relationship matures through various stages. There may be as little as 4, to as many as 11. Regardless, this connection is a battle of attraction and repulsion. As in magnets, opposite poles attract. I encourage you to explore the Yin (feminine energy) and Yang (masculine energy) concept of dualism for a more in-depth understanding. This is also where the Runner and Chaser roles come into play. These roles often cycle, switching back and forth throughout the relationship. The one constant that remains is you and your twin flame always feel a deep loving connection, whether near or far. Whether you are in contact, or not. A degree of pain is tolerated during your periods of separation as if something in your life is missing. And often, you can intuitively sense the others’ feelings or emotional experiences.


You will recognize your twin flame

Unlike a soulmate, upon your first meeting, your soul will immediately recognize your twin flame. It is something that resides dormant within you then suddenly becomes sparked, and things are never the same. It is as if your life begins to rearrange itself and you enter a period of enlightenment, or new consciousness. At this meeting, you will instantly feel compelled, repelled, or in some cases — both. Either way, as this bond progresses, falling in love doesn’t necessarily always happen at a conscious level. Not everyone is ready to accept such an intense and profound love. Hence, the Runner/ Chaser dynamic. At its core, the twin flame relationship is based on unconditional love and its purpose is a fundamentally healing one. We all know inner work is deeply complex and never easy. Consider encountering your twin flame as a hinge of soul transformation and a huge leap into the next stage of its journey.


Don’t go searching for your soulmate or twin flame

Now that we have an idea of the differences between the two, remember that you don’t need to go looking for any of these people in your life in order for it to feel, or be, complete. It is very easy to romanticize these roles, and the reality is – it may just be a happier, more carefree life without that damn twin flame! You’ll see them in another lifetime, along with all your soulmates. Evolution takes time. Pushing yourself to grow is healthy and beneficial (even if it’s tough) but don’t make yourself miserable if you can’t take the heat. Recognize the difference between personal growth, strength, and toxicity. You’d be surprised how many people confuse the two.

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