Young love is always complicated. Mix that in with having to live out your relationship in the public eye and things can inevitably go south. Such was the case for Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. Their on-again, off-again relationship unfortunately suffered from an insane lack of privacy and despite their relationship ending years ago, fans have had a hard time imagining them without each other.
But Gomez has officially silenced all the Jelena shippers with her new relationship to Abel Tesfaye aka, The Weeknd.
For 25-year-old Gomez, this relationship seems a lot more grounded and mature. It appears that time, therapy (Gomez spent three months in a Tennessee treatment center last year for depression and anxiety), and learning from past mistakes, have allowed her to have a completely new take on what being ‘in love’ really means.
Speaking to InStyle she gushed about how happy she is with Tesfaye, but also asserted how she’s focused on not losing herself in their relationship.
“I don’t depend on one area of my life to make me happy. It’s really important for me to love and nourish my friends and family and to make sure that I never get influenced by a guy. I’ve wanted to be in a strong headspace for years, and I really wasn’t. Before, I was so young and easily influenced, and I’d feel insecure. You want someone to add to your life, not to complete you, if that makes sense. I’m lucky because he’s more of a best friend than anything else.”
Gomez is speaking a truth that so many people, even over adults take too long to recognize: relying on one person to be your source of happiness is dangerous and unhealthy. Dr. Margaret Paul highlighted this danger by saying, “once you make your partner responsible for your happiness, safety and worth, then you need to try to have control over getting him or her to love you the way you want to be loved.” She added, “the key to falling in love and staying in love is to first learn to love yourself!”
And it sounds like Gomez has truly taken the time to do just that. ” My livelihood can’t depend on ‘Am I liked?’ … “Of course I care, but I care less and less, and that’s so freeing.”