On the podcast I co-host, Locatora Radio, I shared that a 2019 resolution of mine was to make time to pleasure myself. It’s not an activity that I normally partake in and I’m not really sure why. I’m not actively avoiding it, so why don’t I do it? I fully advocate for women and femmes feeling pleasure and getting theirs! I consider myself to be a very open, sex-positive feminist, meaning with the right communication, safe-word, and comfort I’m open to exploring new things in the bedroom. But why wasn’t I willing to explore my own body by myself?
Masturbation is a natural part of self-exploration and pleasure. It’s been proven that there are many health benefits, such as reduces stress, improves sleep, helps body image, and relieves menstrual pain.
In my early 20s, I only used sex toys with former partners. Even then I was really reluctant to use a dildo, but I eased into it by purchasing a pink one. The last time it was used on me, it was against my consent by an ex. It was really traumatic and confusing to comprehend that I had been sexually assaulted. We only spoke of it once. I haven’t used a sex toy since.
I’ve actively worked on healing from multiple sexual traumas, especially the ones involving ex-romantic partners. At this point in my healing journey and in the larger conversation of creating a culture of consent, I’m beginning to wonder how we can also center pleasure for survivors. I’m discovering how to consider my own body and pleasure in relation to self (not a sexual partner) in ways to actively heal my body.
I was recently introduced to Chakrubs, a rose-quartz sex toy, sent to me by The Bloomi. The Bloomi is an intimate care and wellness marketplace owned by a Latina. There was really no better time to start exploring than now.
I’m currently in a trusting relationship, so it feels safe to write about this topic now. Despite having masturbation as a 2019 goal, January and February came around and I still hadn’t used the sex toy or even masturbated once. With encouragement from my friends, I decided the time is right now. I was no longer going to over think it but just do it!
I set the mood for myself; turned on my essential oil diffuser, played Solange’s When I Get Home, grabbed some lube, and began to self-explore.
The chakrub was cold at first but instantly warmed up to my body temperature. It felt smooth, soft, and even silky. I felt comfortable, natural, and fun exploring my body. I was proud of myself because I overcame a very natural act that was wrapped up in shame, trauma, and discomfort.
The truth is, even orgasms can be political. Pleasuring myself was my big middle finger to the patriarchy and rape culture. The patriarchy has socialized women and femme folks not to prioritize our pleasure but building a culture of consent means prioritizing ourselves. Many of us are also survivors of rape and sexual assault, and bringing ourselves pleasure is a way to reclaim parts of ourselves and power that have been taken from us. Masturbation is also self-care and self-love and for the remainder of 2019, I plan on spending more time exploring my own pleasure.