Dismantling the Damaging Beauty Ideals Latinas Face

It’s summertime and you are feeling confident in all aspects of you but that critical inner voice gets louder when you look in the mirror. You start thinking about the upcoming family asado and the stress and anxiety begin. All the positive sensations that you were experiencing are now gone and instead you are worried about what you can wear that can be the most flattering and attract the least amount of attention. You begin to think about who will comment about your body, your hair, or your clothes. You believe that you have no choice but to attend and feel upset because you’ve been down this road before and each time it feels like it’s worse than the last time. 

What I’ve described is something that many Latinas experience throughout their life mainly because of unspoken expectations and societal beauty standards that exist. These are deeply rooted in the idea that lighter skin, slim bodies, and European features is what we need to aspire to.  Anything outside of that creates a sense of self-doubt and inadequacy, especially when these messages come directly from our family members. 

Within the Latinx community we are constantly hearing messages about how we should look and anything outside of that is seen as shameful and ugly.  Fat shaming and name calling is prevalent, especially among family members. It seems as if the topic surrounding how you look is a free for all, and no one holds back. We often hear nicknames like “gordita” or “flaca” or “guera” or “negrita.” We are constantly criticized if we are wearing something too revealing or if we are covering our bodies in a way that we might be hiding something. We are watched like hawks when we are eating and the commentary about how much you are eating is loud and clear. It’s not safe to be you. 

Identifying as Latinas brings a sense of pride while also highlighting what you are and what you are not. This is interesting because I am always so full of pride when sharing about where my ancestors are from without recognizing the stress I experience every time I visit. The stress is present when I’ve been asked uncomfortable questions about my appearance, highlighting that I am missing something that I must have in order to truly feel happy. While I don’t necessarily believe it, my family tends to believe that if I have a slimmer body or always have make-up and hair done, then I actually look nice and therefore presentable.  While my experience is usually when I visit extended family, I can recognize that many experience this stress and anxiety within their home on a daily basis. 

Some of these things include: 

Colorism: The ugly truth is, if you are lighter skinned, it’s viewed as more beautiful and something to be coveted. Darker skin women feel devalued when this occurs because there is an underlying message that if you are lighter skinned you are somehow “superior” in beauty and stature. While this is simply not true, an engrained message like this can be very damaging. Along with this, Eurocentric beauty ideals play a role because they prioritize features that often demean and devalue women who don’t have straight hair, lighter skin, and slim bodies. From Latinas hearing about the dangers of sitting out in the sun for too long and darkening their skin to the idea of marrying a man with lighter skin to “mejorar la raza”, it’s these comments that perpetuate colorism in our community. The effects of this over generations can impact not only a woman’s sense of self worth but also her mental health and confidence.

Body Shaming: Many in our community have heard nicknames like “gordita” and “flaca” used casually and while many will say it’s harmless, the constant judgment women face when it comes to their bodies is harmful. It is incredibly damaging when there is a generational message that if we are bigger. we are less attractive, less worthy of love. Because of these fatphobic beliefs, our self worth comes into question and we may begin to experience depression, anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem. 

Sexualization: Within movies and TV shows, we often see Latinas portrayed as sexy and sexual. This hypersexualization is common in film, TV, and music and it’s a dangerous stereotype. If we are less than sexy, then we need to do something about it. This is stressful because we may not be fitting a certain ideal and again, our self-worth comes into question and we begin to feel like we need to meet this expectation in a romantic relationship.

You may be asking yourself, what can I do to boost my self-esteem when I am faced with body image concerns? There are many things that can be helpful however these are my favorites. I will say that with anything, it takes patience and hard work to unlearn something and relearn something new. However, it can get better. 

Self-compassion: I can’t say this enough – be nice to yourself, please. What others think about you is simply not your business. Engaging in daily affirmations like “I am beautiful as I am/soy hermosa asi como soy” or “I love all parts of myself/ Amo todas las partes de mi” can be incredibly helpful and empowering. This is key in helping with self-esteem — el amor propio is everything.  

Boundaries: Remember that boundaries are present to help you communicate what is acceptable and not acceptable for you. If you don’t want to be around a family member or friend that makes you uncomfortable, then don’t. You can say no, you have a choice. While others might wonder why you did not attend the gathering or why you chose to do one thing over another, you have the option to give an explanation. Initially boundaries can be challenging but practice makes perfect. Say no, give it a try and see how it feels. 

Social Media Cleanse: Explore the idea of unfollowing accounts that don’t serve you and follow those that speak to how you want to feel. If it’s helpful, limit the amount of time that you are on social media and think about the option of deleting for a few weeks to see how you feel about yourself. Sometimes what we consume on social media can really create an impact in the way that we view ourselves. We begin to compare ourselves to others, causing us to feel bad about ourselves or our circumstances. 

Seek professional help: Meeting with a mental health professional can help you learn more about boundaries, triggers, and coping mechanisms. You can practice how to say “no” while working on the deeply rooted messages that you might have been exposed to. Meeting with a BIPOC therapist can help you feel validated and seen. Check out inclusivetherapists.com and latinxtherapy.com for a list of BIPOC therapists in your area. 

Navigating societal standards can be challenging but it’s important to recognize all parts of yourself that make you uniquely you. By understanding the impact of these pressures and using your coping strategies, you can build resilience against body shaming and build a positive self-image. Embrace self-compassion, work on your boundaries, and engage in activities that bring you genuine joy. Remember, your worth is not defined by societal standards but by your inner strength and individuality. You deserve to feel confident and valued just as you are. You are a poderosa hermosa just as you are.

Patricia Alvarado is an EMDR-certified therapist focused on healing trauma in the Latinx community