Infertility Made Me Question Everything I Knew About Success

For most of my adult life, I believed that if I worked hard, planned well, and stayed positive, life would unfold exactly as I envisioned. That’s what being a jefa meant to me: owning my path, showing up fully, and staying in control.

But nothing prepared me for the moment my doctor confirmed what I already suspected: I wasn’t ovulating. After a year of trying to conceive with no positive pregnancy tests, I was officially labeled “infertile.” The diagnosis wasn’t a shock because I had spent years living with endometriosis and PCOS, but it still broke something open in me.

Infertility is one of those things we don’t talk about in our culture. Getting pregnant is supposed to be natural, joyful… almost expected. My mom encouraged me to tener fé and pray, and I did. But I also believed in science. And when my faith and my labs started to contradict each other, I found myself stuck in a painful middle ground—mentally, emotionally, and culturally.

I spiraled into a silent kind of grief. I pulled away from my friends. I showed up to client calls and events seemingly fine because I’m an expert at compartmentalizing. I was always the one who had it together, who others came to for advice. But inside, I was exhausted. Month after month, I got my period and quietly mourned what I hoped each cycle would bring. And at the same time, I said no to things I would have normally jumped at like speaking gigs, retreats, collaborations because I was planning around a future that hadn’t arrived yet. I was holding my life hostage for a maybe.

And that’s what I try not to regret, but I sometimes do. The way I let infertility shrink my world.

I had always been good at pivoting. As an entrepreneur, I knew how to reinvent, how to adapt, how to keep building even when things didn’t go as planned. But for some reason, I couldn’t access that version of myself in this part of my life. I wanted control over something that just wouldn’t be controlled.

Until one day, during a group call with my Jefa in Training Circle—a community I built for Latina entrepreneurs—I finally cracked open. I admitted that I was struggling. And to my surprise, so many others had quietly been carrying the same pain. That conversation saved me. In the community I thought I created for them, I realized they were holding me.

Later that year, I traveled to Mexico and opened up to a few of my tías. More than half had also experienced infertility, but no one had ever talked about it. Because, of course, qué va a decir la gente. I suddenly understood I wasn’t “other.” I was one in six. And the other one in six had been right beside me all along.

That’s when things started to shift.

I let go of the rigid timeline. I stopped waiting for the perfect moment. I reminded myself that I was allowed to define success on my own terms, even now… especially now. Some days, success looked like checking off every task in my Notion. Other days, it looked like making a sandwich and taking a nap between meetings. And now, writing this at 20 weeks pregnant, I can say with full honesty: I am still redefining what success means to me every single day.

Because motherhood will be the same. Some days will feel productive. Some will feel like chaos. Most will be a little of both. But if I’ve learned anything from this season of my life, it’s that success isn’t about outcomes. It’s about choosing to stay present. It’s about seeing what’s possible now instead of obsessing over the next step. It’s about knowing that even when the plan changes, we are still becoming.

Infertility made me question everything I thought I knew about success. And somehow, that questioning brought me back to myself.

Ashley K. Stoyanov Ojeda is a multicultural business strategist, community builder, and author of Jefa in Training. As a thought partner for Latina entrepreneurs and creatives, she works at the intersection of business, identity, and storytelling. Her writing has appeared in BeLatina, The Mujerista, and Ladies Get Paid. She is the creator of the Substack newsletter La Hoja and host of the podcast Auténtica with Todos Media. Ashley is currently working on her next book, The Book of Awesome Latinas (March 2026), and developing a memoir about redefining identity and success on your own terms.You can follow her at @ashleykstoyanovojeda on all social media platforms and visit her website: www.ashleykstoyanovojeda.com.