I was pretty psyched when I learned that HBO’s Insecure was coming back for a second season. But unlike most rom-com fans, I wasn’t exactly rooting for Issa Dee (Issa Rae) to get back together with her longtime boyfriend, Lawrence (Jay Ellis). I mean, why should she? The relationship ended for a reason. Lawrence bummed out on the coach for three years of their relationship and Issa cheated. And yet I’m not surprised folks wanted them back together. It’s the same reason so many people (myself not included) wanted to see Carrie from Sex in the City together again with Mr. Big. Society romanticizes the idea of getting back with an ex, instead of accepting that things ended because they were supposed to end.
In 2016, online dating site EliteSingles did a survey that discovered 60 percent of Americans are willing to get back with their ex-partner, even after being dumped. I repeat, 60 percent.
Listen, I’m not saying every couple that gets back together winds up breaking up again. But many times it’s not worth the risk. The problem with getting back with an ex, is that you broke up for a reason and that reason can very easily come back up after the hot makeup sex and excitement of being back together wears off. And like I always tell my girlfriends, you’re really not giving yourself an opportunity to meet someone who might be a WAY better fit. There are a lot of other people out there in this big ol’ planet of ours. Like a lot.
Here’s an open letter to the woman who keeps going back to her ex. There’s no judgment here – just love.
Dear fellow goddess,
I get how hard this is.
After all, I once was “that girl.”
I was that girl who stayed in an on-and-off again relationship for eights years.
I was that girl who kept giving the wrong guy chances even after he proved he didn’t deserve it.
But everything changed when I realized that I actually deserved way better.
You deserve way better.
Trust me, when I say, you don’t need him or her.
You don’t need them or anyone else for that matter, to define your happiness.
You can find that happiness within yourself – I promise!
Alexandra Elle said it best: “You are not a plaything or an option on anyone’s roster… please do not settle for fleeting attention.”
Your time is everything.
Only give your time to those who absolutely deserve it.
Move on, but don’t regret your past.
These mistakes are just life lessons that are continuously molding you into the wonderful woman you are becoming.
Trust the journey, trust the process, and honor yourself for coming out of all this even stronger.
Feel free to print this out for yourself or share with a girlfriend who might need this right now!