The end of a relationship can be a deeply devastating event. You may feel lost, worthless, confused, depressed, and your entire life may feel suspended in limbo. Like my mom has told me, give yourself three days to cry, and then pull yourself together. Here are some more vital, healing words that will help you move forward from that romantic relationship, friendship, or anything else you built false hopes around.
You Are Loved
This is a time where you will feel like maybe you aren’t as badass as you are. You are a badass. Know this. There is only one you in the entire world, and you are worthy of love. Someone will love you the way you deserve to be loved, and chances are, there are people in your life who love you a lot. The most important thing, however, is to love yourself and be whole without the help of anyone else. That is when quality love will truly enter your life.
You Can Live Without Them
This is a major one. You will make yourself believe that the end of this particular relationship is the end of your happiness. Loved ones will tell you this is not true, but sometimes it’s important for someone you don’t know to also tell you, so you won’t think they’re just lying to make you feel better. It will get better. Someone better will come along. You will move on. You won’t die. Your feelings are valid, however, and you are allowed to mourn. Talk to loved ones, talk to a mental health professional if you need to, just don’t linger in negative emotions for too long. After all, like Camila Cabello said,
“You think, that you’ll die without him
You know, that’s a lie that you tell yourself
You fear, that you’ll lay alone forever now
It ain’t true, ain’t true, ain’t true.”
Pick Up Your Head Princesa
If you could avoid crying altogether, more power to you. Maybe you can do this is you are the one doing the breaking up, but those people can and do cry as well. Another thing my mom once told me is that you will look back and get mad at how much you cried and cared, way back when. So, cry if you want, but don’t destroy your world for anyone or any situation. You survived before this person, and you will survive after this person. You are not even a princess; you are still a queen. The realest of real talk.
You’re Still a Queen
You need someone to drive this point home, maybe more than once, so here it is. You are a queen. You don’t need anybody. You don’t need anyone else to validate you and your worth. I know we are raised in a culture that puts a lot of importance on being in a relationship, but chances are, you know a mom, sister, tía, cousin, and/or friend that left a bad relationship and took care of shit on her own. You are still a queen, regardless. Same goes for expired friendships; you don’t need a court to prove that you’re a queen. Bye to all those Felicianas!
Focus On You
Sometimes we get lost in caring for someone else and end up lost because we forget to care about ourselves. Take care of yourself. It’s not selfish. How often do we wish our mothers would care for herself more because she is so self-sacrificing? You have to care for yourself before you can truly care for someone else. You time is okay; in fact, it is necessary. Trust your instincts and don’t second guess the right decision. Also, forgive yourself. You may have made mistakes, but a relationship is two people, and you can’t, and shouldn’t, take the blame for everything.
Today is a New Day
There are ways you can bring the love back to self. These are things that we should always practice, but that are especially important right now. You probably want to sleep all day, eat crap food, and do nothing that is good for you. Do these things instead – you’ll feel much better physically, emotionally, and spiritually. After all, each day is a new day to live the life you want.
Time for a New Start
You don’t have to be friends with your exes. You don’t have to keep trying with difficult friends. Don’t feel guilty about just walking away. You don’t have to hold onto every failed relationship, and continue contact with that person. Sometimes distance and perspective will give you clarity that it wasn’t a good relationship – or even relationship – to begin with.
You are Now Closer to Your Soulmate
This one is especially annoying to hear when you part ways with a romantic relationship or friendship that you may have put decades into. The last thing you want to do is start over and teach someone else about you. To care about someone else and trust that this time, it will be better. If you learn from past mistakes and love yourself first, you will attract people that are worth starting over for. But you can’t find happiness if you won’t clear the way for it to arrive.
Happiness Comes From You
Preach! You are in control of your own happiness. A significant other or a friendship can add to your happiness, but they don’t define it. Stop assigning that power to anyone but yourself. Now, it is simplistic to say that you can always choose happiness if you don’t feel it at the moment, but you can take steps towards living in that space. Get help if you need it, remind yourself of what you do have instead of what you don’t have, set goals for yourself, don’t compare yourself to others, don’t beat yourself up if you are not where you pictured where you’d be, and let go and let God (if you believe in God). There are things you can’t control in your life, but you can control how you react and how resilient you are. Enjoy not knowing everything that will happen, and trust good things are coming your way!
If I Was Meant to Be, It Would Have Been
Eeexactly. A lot of times, we are in love with love, and with the potential of a relationship. We create an entire imaginary future for it, making the reality that much more painful. We picture growing old with loved ones, and it hurts when we have to deal with the facts and what we have in front of us. But facts are facts. I know, fate is a romantic thing, and I believe in it, but when things are meant to be, they happen and they’re there no matter what. What usually happens in broken relationships is quite the opposite. No matter how hard you want a round peg to fit in a square hole. You’ll know this when you see the ease of the right relationship. And remember, you probably are mourning more for the potential in the relationship than what it actually was. Easier to get over, no?
Your Heart is Not Broken
The beauty of a first love is that we were innocent, naïve. We didn’t have any baggage, or scars, or fears about being in love. But the beauty of eventually finding the right love is that you come with all the knowledge that comes with heartbreak – or growing pains. You know what you want, and what you don’t want. How to treat others, and how you want to be treated. You know what real, transparent love is, and not what we continuously place upon the wrong people. It may not have all the craziness of those roller coaster relationships, but true love is peaceful and profound and much more satisfying. Don’t assume the former is even love to begin with.
It’s a Season, Not a Lifetime
This moment, this feeling, is only temporary. It doesn’t feel that way, and that’s okay. But when people tell you this, it’s more often than not from personal experience. Again, you will feel like they’re full of shit, but they’re not. Remember when you felt elated in the relationship? You probably thought that feeling would be forever, right? Just think of this moment as an episode in your life and not the whole novela.
Growing Towards Where You Belong
Change is scary AF. Especially when you’re not in control of it. You feel helpless in your own life. But nothing is worse than staying at a party you’re no longer welcome at. It’s awkward, painful, and you deserve to be celebrated, not neglected. When massive changes happen, especially across a lot of different facets in your existence, it’s usually to usher in a whole lot of new awesomeness. The beauty is having faith that it will be something great and welcoming it, and not hiding away like a hermit because you don’t know exactly what comes next. The best novels are like this, and you assume the outcome is going to be fabulous, that’s why you keep reading. Why should your life be any different? Faith, hope and love will always get you through to the next chapter, mi amiga.
Everything Happens for a Reason
Again, file this under, ‘Don’t want to hear this right now!’ But it’s the truth. Life is full of lessons. Notice that you remember the painful lessons more than the happy ones? It’s the gift that comes from going through some BS. It improves you, if you let it.
This Is to Make Your Life Better
You can hold on and be stuck where you are at, but how is that working out for you? Not too well, right? Remember that this change is to make room for better things.
It’s a Gain, Not a Loss
Amen and hallelujah! Why spend your time around someone that brings the worst out in you or makes you feel crappy? Costumbre is not a good enough excuse. Remember, ‘es mejor estar sola que mal acompañada.’
Don’t Take Anything Personally
How others treat you is more about them than about you. Know when you’re wrong, but also know that you don’t deserve to be treated badly. Don’t let their opinion of you define who you are. At this point many exes will go out of their way to damage your self-esteem. Don’t let them. You know who you are. And you rule.
“Closure” is a Joke
Oftentimes closure is just a code word for either wanting to see the person again and/or trying to get an explanation of what happened. You probably won’t get the answer you are looking for, and if you did, it won’t change the outcome. It’s unfair to everyone involved to continue to ask for answers. The funny thing is that most understanding of the situation and clarity come a while after you walk away.
Love When You’re Ready
It’s hard to be alone. There is no judgment if you want to have some fun after a breakup, but it is a slippery slope if you try to numb your pain via rebounds. It’s unfair to the other person, and to you. There is no rush, and you will avoid a lot of unnecessary drama and hurt if you wait until you are truly ready to love again. You don’t have anything to prove. Learn to be completely comfortable by yourself, so when someone right comes along, you won’t be needy, but instead will be acting as a whole person.
In the end, this is all you can do. Learn from this so you don’t find yourself in the same situation again. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Don’t spend your time hating the other person. Learn, move on, and do better next time. You got this!
If all else fails you can always just go and break some ish!