Why I’m Choosing to Raise a Spanish-Speaking Child As a “No Sabo” Mom

I never imagined that becoming a mom would push me to heal parts of myself I didn’t even know were broken.

One of those parts is connecting to my Latina heritage. As a biracial woman, I grew up as what some people now call a “no sabo kid.” I was the one struggling through conversations, nodding along while feeling like an outsider in my own culture. I didn’t choose that. I had an absent, nonexistent biological father, and with him went any access to the Spanish language or that side of my heritage. My mom is from Poland, and I was raised deeply connected to that culture—pierogi, Polish lullabies, and all. But when it came to my Latina side, there was just… silence. No one around to teach me Spanish, no one to explain the holidays, no one to give me the words I needed to feel at home in my own skin. So Spanish never even felt like an option growing up.

Still, people saw me and expected it. My entire life, strangers and even family members would approach me in Spanish. They expected that I could understand, could respond, could belong. And I couldn’t. Or I’d try, and feel embarrassment when I stumbled. I felt like an imposter, like I was wearing a name tag that said “Latina” but couldn’t back it up. The shame was so quiet but so constant, and it was this feeling that I was failing at something essential, something I should’ve just known. Even when I tried, I never felt like I was enough. And that feeling stuck with me for a long time.

Then, I had my daughter.

The second I held her, I made the decision: she will not carry that same burden as her mother. My daughter will know where she comes from—all of it. She will speak to her grandparents without hesitation, sing the songs, understand the inside jokes, roll her r’s like she was born doing it, and feel rooted in her heritage in ways I never had the opportunity to do.

Because the truth is I’m still fighting for that connection every day. I’m still piecing together a culture that should’ve been my birthright. I’m translating children’s books, memorizing nursery rhymes in Spanish, repeating verbs out loud like I’m cramming for a final. I’m the one asking questions at family gatherings, asking questions like “Wait, what does that phrase mean?” I’m swallowing my pride in conversations where I know I sound like a beginner, because I am.

I’m rewriting my narrative in real time. It’s not graceful, it’s not perfect, and it’s definitely not easy. But I show up every single time with my broken Spanish and imperfect grammar all because I refuse to let my daughter inherit the silence I grew up with. I want her to see her identity as something rich and alive, not distant and out of reach. And if that means I stumble my way through it, so she can run her way into it? Worth it. Every single time.

This isn’t just about teaching my daughter another language. It’s about breaking a cycle. It’s about reclaiming what I never had a chance to have: pride, confidence, and the power to walk into any room knowing she belongs.

To every parent out there thinking, “Can I really do this even though I’m not fluent?” Let me tell you right now: yes, you can. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present. You owe it to yourself and your kids to try, to show up, to stumble through it with love and determination.

My husband speaks Spanish, but not as fluently as he’d like. So guess what? We’re all learning together. We’ve turned our home into a crash course in reclaiming culture. Some days we’re fluent, some days we’re fumbling, but we keep showing up.

And the best part? There have already been some pretty big wins. Hearing my one-year-old daughter refer to everyday things in Spanish? Amazing. Watching her bop around the house singing “Los Pollitos Dicen” with her whole chest? Instant heart melt. The first time she responded to me in Spanish (even though I’d asked her something in English) I just about cried. That moment told me everything I needed to know: this is working. This matters. She’s absorbing it in a way I never had the chance to.

If this hits home for you, let’s connect. Follow me on social @PaulinaRoe, where I keep it real about motherhood, culture and everything in between. Also, follow The Mami Collective, the platform and community I built for ambitious moms who refuse to choose between chasing their dreams and raising their kids.

And when you want to hear unfiltered, raw, and empowering conversations, listen to The Mami Collective podcast. We talk mom guilt, careers, relationships, and more. No fluff, just real talk.

Our kids are watching us lead by example. Let’s show them how it’s done.