How Our Attachment to Mom Shapes Mental Health

May marks both Mental Health Awareness Month and Mother’s Day, a blend of celebration and recuerdos that can soothe the heart or open old wounds. For many Latinas, our relationship with mamá is at the core of our attachment style: the template for how we bond, trust, and feel safe and secure. Understanding your attachment style not only sheds light on Mother’s Day triggers, but also gives you tools to nurture healthier mother-daughter links and stronger mental wellness.  

Let’s start by understanding what attachment styles are. 

From infancy, we learn whether our caregivers are a secure harbor or unpredictable waters. Psychologist Mary Ainsworth identified four primary attachment styles. 

• Secure: You trust others, ask for help when needed, and recover from stressful situations without getting stuck. 
• Anxious: You sek constant reassurance. You often have thoughts like “will they always love me?” and often fear abandonment.
• Avoidant: You prize independence so much that you push people away to keep your freedom. 
• Disorganized: You swing between anxiety and withdrawal, caught between closeness and fear. 

Each one of these styles influence our self-talk, our body’s stress signals, and how we show up in relationships with partners, family, and amigas. If you are wondering if you can be a combination of two, the answer is yes! 

So now that you understand the background, let’s discuss how Mother’s Day can amplify patterns learned in childhood. 

If your style is Secure, you celebrate with alegria, confident in mama’s love and your own self-worth. With an Anxious style, you seek constant reassurance — “Will they always love me?” —  and may worry that mom has forgotten you or doesn’t care. An Avoidant style leads you to keep your distance to protect yourself, perhaps even skipping calls to avoid the sting of rejection. Those with a Disorganized style swing between craving mom’s attention and pushing her away, overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. 

Remember, these styles influence not only your relationship with your mother but also how you relate in relationships, with amigas, and colleagues, making Mother’s Day a revealing window into your deeper bonding patterns. As a result, when thinking about the common bonds that daughters and mothers experience, it is important to highlight how each person shows up.

1. With a secure-secure attachment, there is a natural foundation of trust, open communication, and mutual trust. You feel free to share your dreams and challenges, knowing that you will be heard. This is what we want! 

2. Another type of bond is anxious-secure attachment where you may cling or overanalyze mom’s words, even though she consistently shows support. Learning to accept her care without doubt strengthens trust. 

3. Avoidant-anxious attachment can be challenging because you keep your mother at arm’s length, while she worries about your distance. Practicing small steps towards openness (like a weekly check-in) softens the push-pull. 

4. Lastly, a common bond between mothers and daughters is disorganized-disorganized. Unpredictable caregiving left you unsure whether to approach or retreat. A therapist or trusted friend can model steady support as you rebuild trust. 

Why recognizing attachment matters:

• Tu Autoestima – aka: you’re self worth: An insecure style can whisper “I’m not enough,” fueling anxiety and depression.
• Body Stress: Chronic hypervigilance shows up as insomnia, muscle tension, or headaches. This, estres corporal, can create long term effects. 
• Cultural Patterns: Many Latinas learn to “be strong,” sacrificing self-care to support everyone else. Without awareness, we repeat cycles of overgiving and resentment. 

Recognizing your attachment style is an act of self-love that lets you romper ciclos and model healthier bonds for the next generation. 

As you are reading about attachment styles (maybe for the first time), I encourage you to think about how they show up in your daily life. Do you notice them at work? If so, an anxious attachment may treat every critique as a personal rejection which in turn can lead to burnout. Do you notice it in love and relationships? An avoidant attachment style might keep partners at arm’s length just when they crave more intimacy. Are they present with friends? If so, you may notice that you overcommit to please others (anxious) or cancel plans to preserve space (avoidant). Do you see them with family? Disorganized patterns can pull you between caretaking and the urge to disappear. 

As you’ve been thinking about your attachment style and how it’s possibly triggered by Mother’s Day, my hope is that you can notice patterns and do some intentional things that can help. Here’s a few options to help guide you: 

• Emotional Check-In: On or around Mother’s Day, journal your feelings – remember all feelings both big and small are valid. 
• Body Scan: Notice where you hold tension — pay attention to your shoulders, throat, and chest — especially when your mom’s name is brought up or when you think of her.
• Behavior Log: Track urges — do you overall, avoid calls, or waiver between the two? These patterns point to your attachment style. 
• Thought Audit: Catch your inner dialogue: “She’ll forget me again” (anxious) vs. “I don’t need her” (avoidant).

Noticing what you are experiencing is what is the most important. Paying attention to your body helps you understand triggers and understand what coping mechanisms would be most helpful. It could be that visualizing a safe place makes the most sense at this moment. Possibly writing a letter to your inner child reminding them that they are safe feels soothing. Using boundaries as a way to bring your mother closer versus pushing her away is something to think about. Lean on your support system. Now more than ever, it’s important to remember that there is no reason to go through emotional pain or grief alone. We all need someone. 

This Mother’s Day, honor your heart by understanding your attachment style. For Latinas, hearing our links with mom can change every relationship we hold dear. Notice your patterns, practice the coping strategies, and step forward with greater resilience and confidence in your ability to love and be loved.

Patricia Alvarado is a psychotherapist focused on mental health issues affecting the Latinx community.