Embracing the Challenges of Unlearning as a Latina in my 30s

Did it happen to you, too? When you turned 30, did you start to feel like an experiment to yourself? Suddenly, you reflect on lessons, cycles, patterns, and other words you’d probably find at your therapist’s office—or on your Instagram feed. I see it everywhere: if you don’t learn the lesson, you repeat the pattern. It’s true. But the reverse is also true—if you don’t unlearn, the same thing happens. Let me explain. Unlearning might actually be more important than learning. Especially later in life. Especially in your 30s. And it gets even more layered if you’re Latina because you might have to unlearn everything you’ve been taught as a kid, things like sacrifice is necessary or earning money takes hard work instead of smart work… or measuring the amount of humility you should have. For women especially, we are taught marianismo where we’re encouraged to put our family first and the needs of others ahead of our own.

Last year, I stepped into entrepreneurship. It was somewhat of a forced nudge because of career circumstances, but in hindsight, it was just what I needed. Let me tell you, entrepreneurship is a giant self-help experiment. If you want to find out where you have self-doubt, where you’re blocked, what your relationship to money is like… try working for yourself. Equally, if you want to find out what you’re really really great at, just how much you’re capable of, and learn to surrender and receive, try working for yourself.

Coming from a family of entrepreneurs—including my mother—starting my business was never discouraged. But conversations still carry an undertone of concern about security, especially in your thirties when you’re expected to have it more together than you did in your 20s. And hey, I get it. 

Ultimately, this career shift showed me everything I needed to fix if I ever wanted to get where I’m going. And that’s what really pushed me into asking deeper questions, like, Am I living for myself?, What beliefs did I learn in my upbringing that don’t serve me anymore?, What about my upbringing do I need to heal? How can I breakaway from toxic beliefs to pursue my dreams without guilt or hesitation?

And let me tell you, when you start asking these questions, everything gets better. Not in a grand, cinematic way. Not in an instantly life-changing way. But in a way that brings you back into your body. You don’t react the way you used to. You approach things differently. You learn how to edit yourself.

I know this realization isn’t unique to me. You’re probably in your 30s, too. Maybe you’ve had to pivot. Maybe you’ve waited a little longer for your soulmate. Maybe life hasn’t unfolded the way you imagined, or the way mami and papi imagined for you. And we both know that’s okay. But more so than ok, I think it’s kind of optimal. It’s kind of ideal that life hasn’t been that predictable for us, that we’ve had to pivot. 

My mom had me at 20 and, when I was four, she and my stepdad brought us from Cuba to Miami. Because she was such a young mom, she always made me feel like I should take my time and enjoy my life before settling down and having kids. So I never really felt the pressure of rushing into starting a family. But I do feel the pressure of self-actualization, and to reach certain milestones. Because I don’t want her efforts or sacrifice to have been in vain; I know this is common for children of immigrants. 

It helps to remember that all of this (self-assessment, healing, unlearning)—these are privileges our parents didn’t have when they were just trying to survive. As our generation is encouraged to embrace self-love and self-care, it’s crucial to not feel guilty as it was not something we witnessed growing up. That’s part of the unlearning process and the healing journey — knowing you’re worthy of rest as much as hustling and working hard to achieve those goals and dreams. And now, we get to ask deeper questions about life, but we can’t ask them in the way our parents did. Because we’re not living in their reality… and that’s the whole point of it, to break the cycles and live life in a way they couldn’t. 

Our reality demands unlearning, especially as Latinas and children of immigrants. Instead of constantly adding, we need to subtract. We have to release outdated definitions of success like settling down at a young age, sacrificing our careers to be mothers (although nothing wrong with that as long as it’s your choice), shedding the scarcity mindset, and unlearning the survival tactics our parents once believed were the only way forward. 

So maybe the new measure of progress can be not how much we achieve, but how much we let go.