How the Pressure of Living Up to Expectations Affects the Mental Health of Latinas

Latinas carry so much pressure. The pressure to be the perfect daughter. The pressure to represent our cultura in a certain way. The pressure to hide or shrink parts of ourselves just to meet expectations. If you’re not sure this applies to you, think about how often you say, “I should,” “I have to,” or “I need to,” compared to how often you say, “I want to.” That gap is where pressure lives. Family values and traditions are beautiful, but they can also come with spoken and unspoken expectations. Add in chisme, criticism, and constant comparisons to la hija de tal, the daughter who seems to have it all together, and the weight only grows. And it’s not just within our own families or communities. External systems also pressure Latinas to fit into narrow boxes of what it means to be “Latina enough.” Media often shows only one version of us. Workplaces may expect us to represent an entire culture or, on the other hand, dismiss our identity if we don’t “look Latina enough.” These outside forces add another layer of stress.

I’ve felt this pressure personally. When I first started college, a family member told me I had never learned how to clean because I was too focused on academics and that this was an undesirable quality. I felt so hurt, but because they were an elder, I didn’t feel like I had the voice to respond. That one comment carried both an expectation and a sharp criticism. I felt silenced. I felt shamed. And I started questioning if I would ever be enough. That shame strained my relationship with that family member and created anxiety whenever I had to see them. I dreaded the next comment, the next judgment.

This is just one example of how expectations can lead to chronic stress. I often hear others share the pressure to make their parents’ sacrifices “worth it.” That constant push can keep our nervous systems in overdrive, leading to sleep problems, anxiety, and even burnout. Many of us cope by overworking and piling on more responsibilities to prove our worth. Releasing pressure doesn’t mean abandoning our families or responsibilities. Many of us deeply value being helpful and supportive. But it does mean changing how we approach it. Here are a few small shifts that help:

• Shift your language. Move from “I should” to “I want to.” Even if the action is the same, the energy feels lighter.
• Take small pauses. Before saying yes, ask: Do I actually have the time and energy for this?
• Protect your peace. Start with one small boundary, like limiting time with a critical family member, and build from there.
• Seek supportive spaces. Find community, therapy, or friendships where care feels genuine and your motives aren’t questioned. These steps don’t erase the pressure, but they help create breathing room.

The weight of expectations is heavy enough on its own. We don’t need to add to the cycle by judging each other. When we compare, criticize, or tear someone down, we reinforce the very pressures that harm us. Instead, we can choose compassion. We can pause before joining the chisme or making a harsh comment and ask ourselves: Am I helping this person feel supported, or am I reinforcing pressure?

I was recently reminded of a dicho: “No soy monedita de oro, para caerle bien a todos.” The reality is that no matter how hard we try, there will always be someone ready to judge. We can’t always control the expectations others put on us, but we can choose how we respond. Each time we move from “I have to” toward “I want to,” we reclaim a little more freedom, a little more authenticity, and a little more peace.

Sí se puede.